It has been brought to management's attention tha some individuals have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with other employees. Due to complaints from some employees, who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
None the less, we do realise the critical importance of individuals being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with fellow employees. Therefore a list of code phrase replacements has been compiled, so proper exchange of ideas can continue in an effective manner, without risk of offending our more sensitive co-workers.
Old Phrase Prefered New Phrase ---------------------------------------|--------------------------------------- No fucking way I'm certain that's not feasable You've got to be shitting me Really? Tell someone who gives a fuck Perhaps you should check with .... Ask me if I give a fuck Of course I'm concerned It's not my fucking problem I wasn't involved with that project What the fuck? Interesting Fuck it, it won't work I'm not sure I can impliment this Why the fuck didn't you tell me that sooner? I'll try to schedule that When the fuck do you expect me to do this? Perhaps I can work late Who the fuck cares? Are you sure this is a problem? He's got his head up his arse He's not familiar with the problem Eat shit You don't say? Eat shit and die Excuse me? Eat shit and die, motherfucker Excuse me Sir? What the fuck do they want from my life? They weren't happy with it? Kiss my arse So you'd like my help with it? Shove it up your arse I love a challenge Who the hell died and made you boss? You want me to take care of this? Blow me I see Blow yourself Do you see? Another fucking meeting? Yes, we really should discuss this I really don't give a shit I don't think it will be a problem He's a fucking prick He's somewhat insensitive she's a ball breaking bitch She's an agressive go-getter You don't know what the fuck you're doing I think you could use more training This place is all fucked up We're a little disorganised What sort of fuckwit are you? You're only new here, aren't you? Get out of my fucking life, shithead There ya go You're a fucking paranoid nutcase Oh, you're from Sydney You're a fucking wanker You're my manager and I respect that You fucking brown nose You're an exeptional worker and I respect that Go and get fucked you dickhead I no longer require your assistance Will you fuck off, ok?! Leave it with me, I'll look into it How the fuck did you get this load of shit to work? Your design work on this project has been exemplary You have't a fucking hope, you dickwit I believe you have your abilities confused with your ambitions Shut the fuck up, you lying prick I think some clarification is called for Fuck off will you, if I was talking to the shithouse I'd life the lid, ok? Excuse me, would you mind not butting in on the conversation If I want shit, I'll squeeze your head I don't requre your assistance yet Sucked in, you fucking looser That was terribly unfortunate Do that again and I'll fucking drop you I think you could exercise better judgement in future What the fuck do you think you're doing Are you acting within your delegation? Fuck off, arsehole I don't entirely agree with your suggestion